is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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