This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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