We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
