I just cut my nipple shaving
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
