just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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