4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
