I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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