we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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