My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I lost the right to judge tonight
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
