a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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