He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
