just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
