Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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