By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
