i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
