Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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