Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
