You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
