I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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