Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
