Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
