So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She bit a glass in half.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
