get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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