Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
