He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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