I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
