I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
