I'm so fucking centered right now
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
