all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
