You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
