I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
