dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
