Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
grandma shit on top of the toilet
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
