Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
