Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
