He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
