I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
