I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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