So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
