belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
