Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
