no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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