Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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