just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
