I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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