When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
