Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
