My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
