My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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