Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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