did you get engaged???
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
