I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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